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I haven't blogged in quite awhile. 
Things have been super duper busy around here.... Febuary always seems to be!

 E will be 5 on the 24th.  I have to be very honest here.. I am sort of not looking forward to it.  Not only because he is growing older but because my mom won't be there to celebrate.  It makes me really, really sad.  Things are just sad all around.  She has only been gone 2 months and it feels like an entire lifetime.  As if she has been gone years.  Then, other times it feels like just yesterday or as if she is just in the hospital again and we are waiting for her to come home.   Everything just still feels so surreal.  I walk around in a daze most days and as nighttime falls, the kids sleep, Pete goes to work and I am left here in this silence that is almost too loud for me to handle.  That was a time I would call my mom for the last time of the day and catch her up on anything that she missed.  There isn't a phone call made and I lay in bed and cry.  I don't believe that there has been a night since she passed away that I haven't cried myself to sleep.

I feel these days I am searching.  Searching for what comes next.  Searching for what happens to us when we die.  Searching for what will happen with the next chapter of my life.  I walk around lately will one huge question mark above my head.

I really miss the way things were.  They will never be that way again.
I listened to this song as I wrote this... usually not my type but I must admit it is pretty beautiful.

Off I go.....

Snow

Let me first apologize for any typos moving forward.  I have had a few drinks since we are snowed in!

Holy snow batgirl!  We got pounded by snow overnight and currently it is still snowing outside with winds!  Last night, as I let the dogs out the winds were about 60 miles an hour with snow and I could see past my front porch.  I saw an odd thing last night thunder snow.  I have lived here in this part of the state for 33 years and have never ever seen thundersnow.  Thunder and lighting and the middle of a huge snowstorm.  I of course thought I had lost my mind because truth be told lately I haven't been in any frame of mind to be normal....

Then I watched the weather channel... yep... thunder snow does exsist and it happened last night. It was pretty cool to see the anchor stand in the middle of chicago and get the thundersnow on tape.  Thank Goddess for him because I thought I was losing my mind!

  We get some massive black storms here but I have never seen of thundersnow and it was breathtaking!
Made me smile and take a deep breath... something I haven't done in quite sometime.
Perhaps it was my mom telling me to get my ass moving along... or perhaps... it was something beyond telling me that things do exsist beyond what I know of.....

Such thought.