I have not written in awhile.
There really isn't a certain excuse I will use.
I wasn't too busy, although I always am.
I wasn't too sick, although holy shit I am sick.
Etc..Etc.
It isn't one thing in particular that kept me from coming to write. It was sort of a lot of things compiled into a mountain.
I seem to be irritated lately. At people, at peoples actions, at their hearts. There are very few people that really understand me. Know that on the outside I am this strong, tough bear. I can handle anything, you can say anything or do anything and it just rolls off and never bothers me. The truth is... I am that momma bear that will do anything to protect herself and her family but I am not as tough as I make myself out to be.
I hurt just the way everyone else does. Things bother me when they are said the same way they bother other people. Just because I put a smile on or make you laugh or become the "class clown" to others in the room does not mean the inside of me is ok. I very well could be drowning in my own sadness but....
Only the important people see that side of me.
I am tough... you won't get two chances with me. You screw me once....badly enough... there won't be a second chance if you don't try to make it better.
On to another subject and off that soapbox.
I know that everyone has lost someone in their lives. I know that almost everyone unless you are still wet behind the ears has lost someone that they love to illness or death. But... not everyones pain is the same and we all feel very different things. Why? Because we have different types of relationships with people. Losing a parent, a spouse, a child, a grandparent, a sibling... it is all a VERY different pain. Even if I lost a parent and so did you.... our pain is different. Period. We handle death differently, we have different types of relationships and love.
No one will get my pain... they may get parts of it... but no one will get it totally and I don't expect them too.
You CAN'T fix me. I don't want you to fix me... I don't need you to fix me. I just need you to see things from my window.
Which is pretty dark and frosted right now.
