It will be...

If you hear a voice in the middle of the night
Sayin’ it’ll be alright
It will be me

If you feel a hand guiding you along
When the path seems wrong
It will be me

There is no mountain that I can’t climb
For you I’d swim through the rivers of time
As you go your way and I go mine
A light will shine
And it will be me

If there is a key that goes to your heart
A special part
It will be me

If you need a friend
Call out to the wind
To hold you again
It will be me

Oh how the world seems so unfair
Creating a love that can not be shared
As you go your way and I go mine
A light will shine
And it will be me

Past the ever after there’s a place for two
In your tears of laughter
I’ll be there for you

In the sun and the moon
In the land and the sea
Look all around you
It will be me

There is no mountain that I can’t climb
For you I’d swim through the rivers of time
As you go your way and I go mine
A light will shine
And it will be me

Broken

Music has always played a huge part in my life.  Now perhaps more then ever so it isn't odd when I heard this song tonight that my entire being felt like it hit a brick wall.
The lyrics are here....the video is posted after.

Take a breath, I close my eyes

I am lost but try to find

What it is, in this life

That gives me strength enough to fight for something more

Well God knows my feet are aching

And I’ve got mountains ahead to climb…

One way at a time,

I will try to lend these broken hands of mine

Give me strength, be my light,

One way at a time

These walls will fall and fill our empty souls

Give me strength, help me guide

These broken hands of mine

The sky is grey it clouds your world

Clear the air child, break the mold

Find a place, in your heart

To build a shelter from this cold and winding road

Well God knows you’re barely standing

But you’ve got to carry this heavy load…

One way at a time

I will try to lend these broken hands of mine

Give me strength, be my light

One way at a time, the peace will grow

And fill our empty souls

Give me strength, help me guide

These broken hands of mine

What if there’s more?

What if there’s more?

What if there’s more than this?

What if there’s more out there?

Yada Yada Me Me Me

Wow
It's been awhile.  I haven't blogged because I haven't wanted to.  I thought perhaps things would start to even out or once getting back to the normal daily grind things would get easier but that hasn't been the case.  Moving through the daily grind has proven to be the hardest.

I have learned a lot in the last 4 months.  I have learned a lot about people and their agendas.  I have learned not to show my heart to many.  Not that I really ever did before but I surely know it now!  I have been burnt and have been burnt badly and won't put my hand in the flame again.  It is sad that a major earthquake in your heart causes you to see things more clearly and clean up those rose colored glasses.  I am never quite sure of peoples agendas.  I really don't know them now and wish I could just poof them away.

Some days are better then others but there is no single day that doesn't have moments of pure sadness and missing.  I have a lot of living to do and am sad that my mom won't be part of that or get to see the things we talked, dreamed and laughed about.    I find it almost to be some type of foreign language to me.  As if I don't understand and I just smile and nod.  I move through life pretty much that way right now and may always move that way from now on.

I signed E up for Kindergarten last week and it about killed me.  He is growing so fast and is ready to move along.  H will be in Jr. High and is afraid of the change.  I am too.  I looked in the mirror the other morning and almost didn't recongized myself.  Not sure when my face changed, not sure when my kids started grow up, not sure when loss was a huge part of my life.

Getting older sucks ass.

Quote of the day--
"However long the night, the dawn will break.”