And so I heard a song....

"I am still alive but I am barely breathin'"
"I am praying to a god I don't believe in"
" They say that things happen for a reason"
"But those 5 words don't stop the bleedin'"

Those are just two lyrics that hit me straight to the gut.  I just had to post it.
I haven't posted in quite a while.  Not because I haven't wanted to but because I had nothing to say.
I could come here, post and tell you all that yes... time heals all wounds.  Truth is.. I don't feel anymore
healed today then I did a month ago.  In fact because life keeps moving on I find the pain just gets more real and the wound gets wider and deeper.

Yesterday E picked up the phone and dailed...5,6,7.  I asked him what he was doing...
"Calling grandma in heaven because she always makes me feel better when I am sick."
Straight to the heart.
I explained that we can always talk to grandma and she will listen.  That she whispers so soft that we can't really hear it because the distance is so far but she can and will ALWAYS listen to us. I talk to her more then anyone can ever imagine.  Daily and nightly.

I walk out the door... put a smile on and fool the world around me.
But I am not fooling myself.

The pain is unbearable.... Enough said.